How Do I Hate Thee? Let Me Count the Ways

Had to go a little lighter today.  Thank goodness Elizabeth Barret Browning isn’t around to read things like these.

How do I hate thee?  Let me count the ways.
I hate thee to the depth and breadth and height
Of my legs with no blood circulation in material this tight
counting the moments until I am free of thee.
I hate thee to the level of everday’s highest frustration point,
When my ragged nail snags thee and the run travels down to my ankle, wasting $5.
I hate thou dark, seamed toes that shun my sandals.
I hate thou control top that sucks in my stomach and tricks me into eating more than I should.
I hate thou weird color that’s supposed to be “barely there” but 
looks like I’ve misused tanning lotion.
I hate thee with a passion, but it’s cold and I need
to wear this dress.
I hate thee with an anger that grows 
as the day passes– I hate thee with the discomfort, restriction, and 
pain of all my life! – And, if God choose,
I shall but hate thee less only when thee is in the trash.  


10 thoughts on “How Do I Hate Thee? Let Me Count the Ways

    1. readerlee Post author

      So smart, Julie! I gave them up when I was in Florida, but it’s cold here in the winter, so if I want to wear a dress, I need to cover my legs. Urgh! Thanks for reading! 🙂

  1. macrush53

    I hate them and don’t wear them ever. Even in a dress in the PNW. I will wear tights, but no more nylons.

  2. Julie Johnson

    I haven’t worn nylons in a long time, which means I haven’t worn a dress in a long time either. Your poem made me smile and reminded me of why I don’t like to wear panty hose. 🙂


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