SOLSC #2 Dating in my 40s

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I am a mature single woman in my 40s.  I work at the district office of my school system, supervised by the assistant superintendent and having daily contact with the superintendent.  It is a very grown-up job.  And, yet, there are still moments in my life when I feel 13.  And it’s not the good kind of feeling 13.  The 13 where I am adventurous and full of energy.  No, it is the 13 where I am hormonal and insecure, and dealing with other people who are also insecure.

How does this happen to a responsible, confident, independent woman?  Obviously, it’s a male.  The same thing that made me crazy when I was 13 is still making me crazy.  Shouldn’t it be different now?  I think my married friends imagine it differently for me.    They may see dating as a man and woman spending time alone.  No children to interrupt the romantic mood.  It should be all slow dancing, low voices, flowers and candlelight, possibly leading to noisier more adult activities, also not interrupted by children.

Well, I hate to destroy the illusion (for myself and for others), but here is the reality.  I like a boy.  We’ll call this boy Adam.  I don’t just like Adam, I like like him.   Adam hasn’t asked me out so while I do think he likes me, I don’t think he  like likes me.  I always look forward to seeing him.  He makes me smile and feel a little bit nervous.  I occasionally do something that is reminiscent of a schoolgirl giggle.    It’s all a bit embarrassing.  My friends tell me to ask Adam out, but I haven’t.  I don’t want to put him in an awkward situation and I don’t want to ruin our friendship by making it obvious that I like like him.

Well, last week I was traveling when I received a message from my friend.  Now if I were actually 13, it would have been a folded note passed to me in the hallway by my friend with badly teased 80s hair and neon clothes.  But since I’m an employed adult, it came as an email from my sharply dressed friend who also happens to be the assistant superintendent (aka my boss).  My friend’s note said that  Adam’s friend asked her if she thinks I will go out with Adam if Adam were to ask me.  He isn’t sure if he’s going to ask me but he thinks I’m cute and nice and I get good grades on my homework (or something like that).    Seriously, the only thing missing was the boxes with check ‘yes’ or ‘no.’  And I was thrilled.  The boy I like like, like likes me!  Maybe.

I saw him when I returned from my trip and like all normal, insecure 13 year olds, we flirted and laughed and ignored the fact that I know he like likes me and that he knows I like like him.  We did text though.  It’s just there was no texting when I was really 13 so I don’t know how long this texting has to go on before it might lead to an actual date.  And then will one of our parents have to drive us?

And there is my reality of dating in the 40s.  Just in case anyone was feeling a little exasperated with their spouse, I tell this story as a public service to remind you that the grass is not always greener.

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27 thoughts on “SOLSC #2 Dating in my 40s

  1. Carol

    Your post made me laugh! I’m a fifty-something single woman. Never married. Don’t date. In a school with ummm, four men. Three married, one gay. Too chicken to try Match or eHarmony or any of those things. But maybe someday!

    Reply
    1. Lee Post author

      Carol, I highly recommend online dating sites. Even if you never go out on a date, you’re guaranteed lots of writing inspiration!

      Reply
  2. Michelle Haseltine

    Oh I have been there. I’m single and 43. I LOVE the “like like” parts of this!!! You made me laugh out loud, over and over again!!! Wishing you a wonderful date with Adam!! 🙂 And you are so right…dating, single life…there’s so much there to inspire good writing!

    Reply
    1. Lee Post author

      Thanks, Michelle! A date with Adam would mean another potential slice for this month. :). (I know I shouldn’t already be worried about what I’m going to write for the rest of the month.)

      Reply
  3. Greg Armamentos

    I’m soooo out of my element here (married guy, 50+), but I must say how courageous you are to share such a vulnerable post. The authenticity makes it such a good read. I hope Adam steps up to the plate soon, and takes you out.

    It would be fun to read his “slice” side of this story!

    Reply
    1. Lee Post author

      Greg, that’s a great idea! If he ever does ask me out, I’ll have him read this and ask if he wants to write. I think he might be willing.

      Reply
  4. Lynn

    This slice of your life….your reality made me smile! I loved it! I agree with your friends, ask the boy out for a drink. Some 30 years ago I pushed my friend to ask her Adam to go out for a drink because like your Adam he was taking way too long for my liking…and guess what? They have been together ever since!! Go for it really what have you got to lose :-). Good luck and keep us posted!

    Reply
    1. Lee Post author

      Thanks, Lynn. You’re right, I really have nothing to lose. I’m just being stubborn (one of my special talents).

      Reply
  5. Christine

    I love love you, Lee Corey. Even if you did temporarily bring that 13 year old anxiety back for a few minutes. 😃
    Hang in there, and make sure you write me a note and tell me everything about your conversation with Adam! You can give it to me in homeroom tomorrow.

    Reply
    1. Lee Post author

      Ha! I wish I really could pass it to you in homeroom. Thank goodness for technology allowing us to bridge the distance. I’ll keep you posted!

      Reply
  6. aggiekesler

    This post is all sorts of adorableness! I’m a 30-something single woman trying to date in a city that’s pretty hard to find dates. I totally felt like you did…I could practically feel your butterflies! Hope it goes well!

    Reply
  7. Holly Mueller

    This is so cute and funny! I love hearing your perspective on dating in your 40s. I can imagine that all those old feelings are always there. We always have a bit of our awkward teen years in us. 😉 I will look forward to finding out how it all turns out!

    Reply
  8. ...never ending story

    Actually I can’t wait to hear more about this adorable story. When you give me the note, make sure you make it into a football so you can pass it in my hand, so no one will notice. 🙂 xo nanc

    Reply
  9. spillarke

    I love love you too Lee Corey especially because you are often more mature and grown up than I am. Such good writing here. So happy to hear your voice. Can’t wait to hear more about this like like business. Did you know that there is a highway on Oahu called the Like Like highway?! If you and this Adam become an item maybe we should choreograph a dance and have it one that highway!

    Reply
  10. Beth Scanlon

    I am so happy I don’t have to date! I will be honest! I like my slightly old yellowed weathered grass…if Adam is reading this blog…he knows you really like like him…love you…good luck!

    Reply
  11. Jaana

    Such true words! Like like business is hard. I haven’t gotten the courage to try any online dating sites either. But I really want to read a post about Adam taking you out. I think it would many of hope 🙂

    Reply
    1. Lee Post author

      I really want to write a post about Adam taking me out! And you should try online dating. We have quite the group of single women slicing here so lots of support!

      Reply

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